Marketing Fail

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I love a good ad. I don’t mind being sold so long as the seller is creative, clever, honest and interesting. Humor is big too; make me laugh and I’ll remember you. I might even look for your product next time I’m in the market.

For the sake of argument , I’m going to post a few of my least favorite marketing ploys… I call them marketing fails.

Marketing fail #1

Flyers on my windshield.  All those flyers that people throw to the ground in disgust or laziness… now there’s LITTER with your name and phone number on it blowing in the wind. Fail.

Marketing Fail #2

Dancing sandwich board guys. Seriously. This sorry sucker bouncing up and down at the intersection is less likely to inspire me to want the pizza he’s stumping for than cause me to rear end the car in front of me. Distracting drivers is a BAD plan. Plus I KNOW he is desperately trying to make a living, but being paid under the table or minimum wage. Fail.

Marketing Fail #3

Cinematic, flashing, massive, hyper-lit crazy ass highway billboards. These things are bigger than my HOUSE, they flash, they whiz and zing and practically throw confetti at a never ending stream of drivers flying past at highway speeds. Add text and you’ve got a pile up on your hands. Never mind my cell phone, government… regulate THIS.  Fail.

Marketing Fail #4

Tits. They don’t sell me anything. Sorry. Got my own, thanks. If mine don’t inspire me to drop change, hers sure won’t. Tuck them back in and make me think or make me laugh. Those girls just make me uncomfortable, and that doesn’t make me spendy.  Fail.

Marketing Fail #5

Bullshit. My hair will not be 10x thicker in 2 weeks. My waist will not be 6″ smaller in 4 weeks. Don’t guarantee my money back, just tell me the truth, for pete’s sake. I’m not that stupid. Fail.

Marketing Fail #6

Minimizing the risk. 140 Happy Calories my big fat North American ass. Junk is junk is junk no matter how you fluff it up for the cameras. Soda, GMO food, high fructose corn syrup, it’s all garbage and it’s all bad for me. Don’t insult my intelligence by pretending it’s only “part of the big picture”. The big picture is it’s all bad for me and you’re lying. Marketing fail.

That’s my first shot at this. There’s more… I could go on and on. What about you? What do advertisers do that really knocks you flat?

I have a family, I have disposable income, I buy;  sometimes for good reasons, sometimes because I’m a sheep, and sometimes because some clever advertisers have done a good job of convincing me that I really should try their product.  If the ads were clever, honest, and the product really is all they said, I’ll become a customer. If not, I’ll just be annoyed,  I’ll tell my friends and I’ll keep my money, thank you very much.

Friends, Wine, and Beautiful Daughters

ImageIt’s hard to know where to begin. The last week has been a whirlwind of laughing, drinking, talking, crying, travelling, shopping and a bit more drinking. Probably more drinking than I ought to ‘fess up to… so never mind. Forget you read that part.

My youngest was sick in hospital over the Christmas break, and we were off to see a specialist in the Big City. Our eldest daughter joined us on the trip, meaning it was three of us ladies away for the weekend.

There are lots of components to a medical trip for us. There is the medical, obviously…doctor visit, tests, plans, treatment, new meds, probably some pain and discomfort for wee girl and always worry for Mom, but we just get through that part as quickly as we can.

We visit and we eat…oh my, there’s all that fabulous food! Coming from a small center, the food options in a real city are dizzying! So much CHOICE!! And of course, there is the SHOPPING. I’m not talking about a prolonged trip to the mall. I’m not talking about a day in the shops. Nope. I am talking marathon, non-stop, strategic, day after all-day Olympic medal shopping. These girls are ridiculous. Because they are employed and because we live far from good shopping, they save their money…they plan….they plot.

They damn near killed me. I am glad to report the money spent was NOT MINE. That is, in and of itself, worthy of note. I absolutely LOVE that the money wasn’t mine, actually. So, I let them blow their money while I visited, hiked, and drank wine with friends.

Let’s take a moment and reflect on the value of drinking good wine (or even crap wine!) with friends. It’s the best kind of therapy. After what feels like months of anxiety, worry and stress, a good belly laugh in a friend’s kitchen over a glass of wine felt like medicine. I left home Thursday morning holding my shoulders tight, frowning slightly and filled with worry. The doctor’s appointment didn’t alleviate the worry, not a bit. The friends… the friends and the wine, the friends, the wine and the walking…? That did it. That eased me like nothing else really could.

So I’ll think about that as I go forward this month; I want to be that friend with wine. I want to be ready with my door open, arms open and (you better believe it), bottle open for my friends. ‘Cause we all know we don’t need our friends to give us answers…we just need them to keep our secrets, hold our hands and keep our glasses filled. Cheers, and thank you to my friends. I’ve got the corkscrew in hand… come on over!