Cross your heart and hope you’ll remember?

pinky promise

If you want my respect, say you’ll do something then do it. Don’t tell me what you’re going to do.  Don’t say you’ll do something then forget, or blow it off. All we have to go on in this life are our instincts and our faith in good people.  We have to trust that people will do what they say they will; what else do we really have?

I think we have to remember that we are what we say, we are what we do. When we follow through on what we promise, we are saying that we’re worth trusting, worth believing in. When we think we can decide what is and isn’t important to others and fail to do what we’ve said, we let ourselves and those counting on us down. Saying you will do something you have no intention of doing is a lie. Saying you’ll do something you make no effort to do is disingenuous. The good feeling you get from pleasing the person you’ve promised evaporates pretty quickly once you know you’ve disappointed them.

You don’t have to pinky swear, cross your heart and hope to die  for your word to be considered a promise. The simple act of saying you WILL is a promise. When you say you will, and you can or could and don’t, you’ve broken your promise.   Not fulfilling is a choice… conscious or otherwise. Sometimes there is a really good reason, sometimes not. Circumstances may prevent you from accomplishing what you intended, but if the effort is genuine, honour is maintained.

Men used to be judged on their word; in my world, they still are. What’s your handshake worth?

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Holler, kiss, & kick that can

twinkle-lights-for-new-years-eve

New Year’s Eve 2012… the next year about to begin, the old not quite used up…gasping its last. What a helluva year. Do you know anybody who can’t say that? It seems like 2012 was quite simply one helluva year.

We survived it… twice we expected to be on the other side of the apocalypse, but here we stand, champagne on ice, ready to holler out the old, kiss in the new and start the next kick at the big can.

My kids are all getting spiffed up… all heading out to their respective cool parties. Aged 15, 17 and 19 they have little need of us this evening save as designated drivers should the need arise. The husband is having a snooze, and I’m trying to decide if there’s something subversive about going to the movies alone on New Year’s Eve.

Whatever 2012 brought you, I hope there was more good than bad. I’m sure there were some crappy days but I’m willing to bet there were plenty of good, even great days in there.  I’m going to try to gather up the good and great days, hang on to them and let them carry me into 2013.

I’m trying to keep my resolutions to a minimum… resolve to do more of what I love, more of what makes me happy, dwell less on the things that don’t.  I hope to grab hold of the last few months with 3 kids living in my house, enjoy them while they’re all home. I think that’s enough, really. All the rest of the things I might add to the list should flow naturally if I work on taking care of my own happiness.

So go on you, celebrate. I’m going to be thankful for what I have, put to rest at least some of the burden of worry I cling to and try to love just a little bit more.

Happy New Year… bring on 2013!

Hello Again, Hospital

Bedside again, watching her sleep and waiting for the doctor. Post operative complications have overshadowed our Christmas, though we were home for Christmas this year.
I fix her pillow, adjust the bed, fetch a blanket, fuss at her and generally drive her mad. As much as she loves me and relies on me, she is still a 15 year old girl and I am still mom.
It’s a kind of prayer, this fussing… a kind of promise keeping. I can’t fight the infection she is battling, can’t take the pain away or make her stronger. I can brush her hair back from her eyes, I can bring her water and do those small things anxious mothers do. It might irritate her as much as it helps her but I can’t help myself. She is my job. Whatever else I am in the world outside this curtain, in here she is my only work.
And she gets it. She understands and is so patient with my fluttering, my over helping. She thanks me, lets me adjust and smiles at me, almost always. And she lets me kiss her forehead as often as I need to.