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SPRING!

SPRING!

Spring is here and I can’t stop creating! I love that the big dull place where ideas and inspiration had gone to hide has been blown clear by sun and wind and longer Yukon days. My kitchen….well, it’s a bit less tidy than it usually is but my spirit is light.

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Same me. New calendar.

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And so the inward looking begins…or continues… in search of meaningful & achievable resolutions. Pointless to say I will exercise more and eat less, folly to suggest I can change much about how I process my external world. I’d be lying to myself if I vowed to drink less red wine and avoid chocolate and cussing.

I need smaller resolutions, tiny resolutions that will be little stones in a giant pond. I need to find tiny ways to alter how I give myself to the world, to my family, to those I love. I need little itty bitty meditative alterations that will smooth the painful bristles of my coat, that will make me more huggable and less of a systemic shock to those whose well being matters most.

I want to be gentle. I want to be kinder. I want to be more loving, more giving, more forgiving, more forgivable. I want to be soft. I want to be feather soft. I wish to be a balm, a soothing salve rather than a burn, a wound, an abrasion.

I don’t know where these new ways of being live. I don’t know where to find them. I want to.

I want to.

It’s a new year. This year there is no hollering, no kicking of cans. This year there is only quiet retreat, a catch in the throat, a throb behind my left eye. I wish things I can’t give, I’ve given things I can’t reclaim.

It’s almost a new year. It’s almost a new…

No, it’s the same me on a new calendar page unless I can find a new path.

And the stone is about to fall, and the pond is about to ripple.

So happy new year.

 

Why Matches are a Perfect Gift

ImageA while back I blogged about a box of beautiful matches, their use and misuse, and my sadness when they were all gone. A smallish thing, but Moms understood the value of beautiful objects and rituals. My friends understood… more than I knew, apparently. 

My blogger friend Donna (The Redneck Princess) emailed me the other day asking for my mailing address. She is talented, beautiful & crafty.  She often has contests and so on on her fab blog, so I didn’t think too long about what I might have won, just gave her the address and carried on. 

Donna and I are friends through her younger brother… “Little Jimmy”, we called him. He’s a great guy who now lives in the same Yukon town as me.  Donna is a couple of years older than me so we only knew one another peripherally in school. Over the last little while though we’ve become online friends through a gang of awesome crabby women approaching our best years. She and the rest of that gang of foul mouthed awesome bitches have become my posse, my safe place. I am one lucky lady.

This is what Donna sent me:

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Isn’t that just about the best gift ever? A BEAUTIFUL box of matches, just for me. Just for lighting a beautiful candle  when I want to just be Deborah, instead of Mom… or wife. 

So I want to say thank you to Donna – wow… what a hugely awesome thoughtful and kind thing you did!

And now, I will try to find a way to do something as kind and thoughtful for somebody else.  What a nice challenge… I’ll be watching you, my friends. Watching and listening for a chance to make your day like my lovely friend Donna made mine. 

Happy, happy Thursday friends!

My Bliss List (first draft)

ImageI have about 27 seconds to type this before my husband takes me out for dinner; it’s Valentines Day and despite my snarking about the fraudulent nature of the festivities, a girl does like to get all shiny and prettied up and adored.

So I am drafting a list…. seriously, first draft only. I will post this and THEN think of about a million other things I wish I’d added… thus the first draft title.

My Bliss List (or things that make me stupidly happy)

-Extra hot double tall lattes, no sugar (actually sugar makes it better, so WITH sugar)

-Extra hot baths; the exact right temperature when you get in, where it burns just a bit but it’s not so hot that you pass out right away.

-Bathroom fan; it drowns out the sound of the kids yelling at each other while you soak in the blissfully perfect bath.

-Support garments. Need I say more?

-Shoes…perfect, fabulous, stunning, sexy, ohmygodwhycan’tIweartheseeveryday Fluevog shoes… (see photo, above)

-Holidays in the very near future

-Awesome plan to spend time with my lady friends, good wine, good food… bliss bliss bliss

-Going for a fantastic dinner tonight at a gorgeous restaurant where the restaurateur knows my name, hugs me upon arrival and is just so lovely it makes it all even more shimmery.

Gag. Who wrote all that smarmy crap up there? Me?! Well… who knows. Maybe Valentines Day agrees with me more than I knew.

Cheers all… hope it’s a blissful night. I’ll update the list later. What would YOU add?

Countdown to Mexico!

ImageThree weeks from this very moment I will be in Mexico. In the very place you see pictured above. The house there on the left is where my husband and I will sleep, the teenagers in the house on the right. Ahhhhhh. I need to take a moment to let that really soak into my psyche. Three short weeks and my toes will be deep in warm sand, my fingers wrapped around a cold glass, my eyes squinting into the hot sun. Amen.

Doesn’t that just sound like poetry? Sand, sun, water, relaxation, no work, no phone, no emails, no chores. Just 4 teenagers. Wait. Right… 4 teenagers. Better make that TWO hands wrapped around nice cold glasses…!

I’ve reached that point in pre-holiday delirium where every thought is framed by the holiday… need to make sure I buy cat food “for the housesitter”; better call the doctor’s office to make sure I have antibiotics “in case someone gets sick in MEXICO”, gotta get that project finished before I take my HOLIDAY etc.

I’m glassed over. I’m checking the weather in Yelapa, talking the kids through what to do if someone gets stung by a scorpion (as if I have a freakin’ CLUE!). Anyway, we are adequately supplied with Immodium, Benadryl, hand sanitizer and electrolyte replacement packets. We’ll be golden.

The one regret I have, of course, is that I’ll have to come home. When we were waiting in line in Mexico two years ago to come home, a lady in front of me stepped out of line, said “sorry, not ready to go home” to her friend and did NOT go home. How awesome is that? I have had dreams about that for the last two years. When I moved to the north (the REAL, top of the world Canadian north) 22 years ago, my actual intent was to move to Mexico for a year. Yep, I know… went the wrong way. Took a one year job, met a man, got married, had babies, etc. etc.

So each time I go to Mexico, a BIG part of me wants to just…stay. I walk around wondering what the hell happened… why is it that I don’t live there?

Yeah, yeah. I like my life, I like where I live (love it even), and can’t imagine what life I’d be living if I hadn’t taken the path I did but there’s that part of me that wants the parallel life… why can’t I have both? My real life, my Mexico life… I guess it’ll be a goal then. Sell the house here in the Yukon and find a way to live that dream of so long ago. Yes… that’s what I will dream of.

Dream of, work toward, plan for. Pronto.

Adios, amigos. Hasta Luego!