So soon?

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A few weeks ago I gave birth to a magical little redheaded baby girl. She’s 20 now, but that is the way the heart massages time…the real passage is hard to measure in ordinary terms. To my arms, the weight of her baby self is still a recent memory, there is still an ache in my shoulders from pacing with her while she cried of colic. I still hum the only song that calmed her, and when I am stressed I remember how the sound of the vacuum was the only thing that soothed her mysterious fretting.

I left her in another city the other day, this baby child of mine. I left her in her own apartment surrounded with the trappings of a new life. No diaper pail, no stuffed rabbits or pastel blankies; instead pots & pans, thrift store dishes and school supplies clutter the space.

She is ready. She is ready to take on the world and be a shining beacon of newness, of hope and promise. She has the confidence, the kindness, the grit and the guts to tackle this new chapter. She is, after a few years of holding my breath, everything I knew she would be. I am the kind of proud there are no words for.

But I am now 5,385 kilometers from her forehead… the forehead I like to kiss goodnight. And it turns out I am less ready than she.

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6 thoughts on “So soon?

  1. I love you Deb…and feel your heart xox I am doing the same with my baby son this weekend…but he is on the coast and my folks are near, so I have the piece of mind of them being together. I am so not ready for him to be gone on his own yet…

  2. Beautiful Deb. It will get easier when you hear how well she is doing. Her success and her character are a living testimony of your love and commitment as a parent. Sadness will fade, the pride you have in knowing your daughter is doing well will only grow stronger. If you still have trouble dealing i am just a click away. I will make you laugh πŸ™‚

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