There’s something disgusting out there. On the ground, on the sidewalk, just there – where I was about to step. It’s your spit! It’s the sputum you ejected violently from your mouth, right in my path. Where my FEET go! Where my SHOES go! Where (oh save me) my BARE FEET might go!!
I have never, in 46 years, needed to “hork a loogie” onto any sidewalk anywhere. Is that how you spell it? HORK a LOOGIE? It’s fun to say, but how incredibly repulsive. How is it necessary? WHY is it necessary? Honestly, I am not particularly prim, not exceptionally la-di-dah.. I’ve let rip a nice loud anonymous fart once or twice (shhhh… no- let me take that back. I AM prim and proper, and now very embarrassed).
I do not see the need do not see the need do NOT see the need EVER to expectorate publicly. Mucous (cringe) and phlegm (gag) do not belong in the street. If you absolutely must divest of some nasty products please, use kleenex. Use a napkin. Use a paper towel or a good old fashioned linen handkerchief (but do not expect me to touch that thing, let alone wash it). It is the oral equivalent of taking a dump, right there on the sidewalk. Sorry for the straight talk my friends, but that’s the truth.
Public spitting is illegal in Singapore, Guangdong Province in China, London England, and the extremely civilized city of Saskatoon Canada. Saskatoon has it right; they have a bylaw, Bylaw No. 8994 in fact, called “The Public Spitting, Urination and Defecation Prohibition Bylaw”. You see?! They have it right… they have grouped spitting with the rest of those waste expulsion processes that rightly belong out of sight, and out of the flow of human traffic. Should you choose to “discharge phlegm, saliva, chewing tobacco juice or any other substance from the mouth”, you can expect to pay $100 for your first offense. It’s only fair.
Your spit, my spit, ANY spit is gross. It’s how illness is transmitted. It’s a fetid, germy little stew. As a citizen, I should not have to wade through your bodily waste as I amble down Main Street; ice cream cone in hand. Actually, the whole thought of mucous (bleargh) and phlegm (retch) makes me almost lose my lunch.
So, friends… shall we start a little revolution? A little brigade of fed up citizens giving horkers the hairy eyeball and a mini lecture? Should I start carrying around little packets of tissue and insisting offenders take one or else? Should I employ my handy dandy little smart phone and upload photos of those people who insist on littering my city with the byproducts of their sinuses? Maybe I will. Maybe I will.
So, unless you are running a marathon (though seriously, I carry tissue when I run), climbing a mountain or performing some extreme sport, put it politely in a tissue or keep it in your head. There’s just no reason for that kind of nasty to ever see the light of day. And believe me… I’ll BE that crazy lady with the tissues. Just watch me. And smile…I just want to take a quick photo!